HELP…Manhood missing!!!

Well…it’s not really missing…but just gone on vacation (I hope!!).

Let me explain…I’ve just been sitting here at the PC twiddling my thumbs and growing more annoyed with the fact that your mom isn’t home from work yet…and the lovely dinner I’ve cooked is going to be spoiled…and I need to break the news to her that her cocktail dress somehow found its way into the washing and she’s gonna need to lose another 20kg’s before it’ll fit again..and I’ve tidied the house in preparation for the cleaners coming tomorrow…and why can’t your mother put her things away instead of leaving them all over the house…and I really must go to the shops and get some food in this house…and I’ve turned the temperature down on the oven 3 times now to try and prevent my world famous goulash from drying out and going all horrible – more likely to look like biltong than goulash if she doesn’t get home soon!!

Then I stop and replay what I’ve just been thinking…OMG…I’ve turned into a nagging housewife!! Jeez, next I’ll be complaining of a headache to get out of sex…and complaining that my housekeeping allowance is too stingy and that she snores…oh wait…I do complain that she snores…aarrghhhh.

Your poor mom is so busy at work…I feel like I should have her pipe and slippers ready at the door when she gets home and offer her a massage or a foot rub while she reads the paper after dinner. Maybe I should pack her a nice lunch and slip little love letters into it – oh no, damn, she’s discovered the cafeteria at work is fantastic. hmmm…now what.

The net result…I’ve started looking for a ‘proper’ job again. I can’t handle the guilt any longer – she’s so stressed and over-worked – unlike me. I’ve been working from home for over 3 years now, the last two of then all alone. I’ve become the house-husband which is only fair…I’m not the one getting out of bed just after 5am every morning…nope, not me…I kiss your mom goodbye and she heads off, and most mornings, I roll over and snooze till 07:15…then it’s a leisurely start, quick check of the emails, breakfast on the patio (unless there’s actually some work for me to do), turn the pool pump on, wander round the garden, have a quick dip in the pool if it seems like it’s gonna be a hot one…unpack the dishwasher, put on a load or two of laundry, etc etc etc.

Work from the UK (my main source of work) is intermittent to say the least…two months with nothing to do, then work to keep me busy all the hours – although in truth, the late nighter’s tend to be a result of an approaching deadline and my inability to do the work until the deadline is nearly apon me – need the pressure to do my best work. So, there are long periods with nothing to do except DIY and housework, swimming and reading, a bit of carving in the workshop and some desktop support for Pops and a few others…hardly stressing me out or stretching me mentally.

And it’s now got to the point where it just doesn’t seem right. Yeh, ok, your mom loves her work, but still…she’s gonna go postal if things don’t settle down, and me swanning around like Lord Muck is not helping, of this I’m sure.

Besides which, it gets lonely working from home. Email communication isn’t exactly social. So, that’s that…mom’s spruced up my CV, and I’ve been online today, applying for anything even vaguely in my line. The problem with the situation is that the work from the UK is pretty profitable…and it’s hard to get pumped up about the idea of going to an office job 5 days a week for the same money as my current setup…who, given the choice would join the rat-race when they could potter around at home, working in the nude, swimming and faffing, with no stress to speak of?

Problem is, I HATE job hunting…it’s the absolute worst thing in the world…I’d rather have surgery, or be run over by a car, or be beaten by a plague of WWF wrestlers (I’m not sure what the correct collective noun for wrestlers is, but this’ll do for now), or have my eyes poked with a sharp stick, or be subjected to Chinese water torture, or watch The Sound of Music or listen to Abba…actually, wait…maybe not those last two.

But that’s what I’m gonna do…that’s it. It’s time to get out of this house and meet people, work in the outside world, commute, do lunch, stress, wear clothes every day, climb the corporate ladder…and do all this for a number of reasons:

  1. So your mom doesn’t feel so hard-done-by;
  2. To get to meet people and stop feeling so lonely;
  3. To start using my brain on a slightly more regular basis;
  4. Get a secure income (which will make budgeting things like holidays and medication and IVF so much easier); and
  5. So I can regain my manhood and stop obsessing about the laundry and the dishes and the BLOODY DINNER THAT I SLAVED OVER A HOT STOVE MAKING AND THAT’S NOW TOTALLY BLOODY RUINED AND ONLY FIT FOR THE DOGS (if we had any)…

~ by HopelesslyTTC on 19/01/2010.

8 Responses to “HELP…Manhood missing!!!”

  1. LOVED your first paragraph – TOO FUNNY!
    Good luck on the job hunting front! Can be a bit daunting, but I’m holding thumbs that you get a post soon!

  2. I totally get the job hunting thing…I am busy at the moment and I hate it. It feels as though you have to make yourself look important…grrrr

    If the business from UK is profitable, why go into the “rat race”….maybe expand that business some more…join a gym to get some social contact…

    The good thing about you being at home is that your stress levels are lower…it is hard enough TTC through ART, without the additional stress.

    Good luck with the job hunt

  3. But Honey, Dinner wasn’t ruined it was deloicious!

    Ladies you have to know that I got home from work at 9pm last night to a candle lit dinner, glass of wine adn my charming awesome man! Aren’t you all jealous.

  4. Totally green with envy…….keep him at home forever….smile

  5. Hopelessly – so when are you going to write that book???? The ONE I NEED TO GIVE TO MY HUSBAND WHERE HE DOES ALL THE ROMANTIC THINGS YOU DO??????????????????????????????????

    • Ahhh…I’m hardly the world’s best role model…but I do think that the secret is time and energy…when you haven’t had a stressful day and the dinners been in the oven for 4 hours and you’re desperately waiting for the love of your life to get home to eat it and to have someone to talk to, it’s almost natural to decide to lay the table properly, light a few candles, chill some wine, etc etc etc…it’s not romance, it’s killing time waiting.
      It’s a symptom of our role reversal – she goes out to the stressful job, I hang at home and try figure out ways of making her life easier…it’s pretty cool though I must admit.

  6. HaHa, Love it, I am you – but living in england, female and a member of the pituitary foundation (I have a google alert set up for them and that’s how I came accross your blog) recently gave up the corporate job and now sitting at home waiting for the work to come in…. looking forward to the next installment :0)

    • Hiya Claire. Glad to hear from someone else from the Pituitary Foundation – I’ve had some email conversations with Pat McBride who was fantastic – so helpful and informative, at a time when I felt like I was alone in the universe (melodramatic but true)!! Make sure you get all the housework done before sitting down to East Enders or Corrie (or whatever your weakness is). The bonus with living in the UK is the vast selection of bottled sauces – I long for them now – made cooking something different a lot easier without having to become Jamie Oliver…

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