A life too ordinary…

Hi guys,

I haven’t got anything major or specific to post about today, got our FS appointment this afternoon and that seems to be consuming my thoughts and attention entirely. So I thought I’d waffle on about a few things that I’ve been wanting to mention and take it from there.

There are a few things I’ve been thinking of telling you guys, but they never seemed major enough to warrant their own dedicated blog post…so I’ll just lump them all together in this post. So, moving swiftly on to the first of these items…

I was laying in bed the other night, being softly serenaded by your mothers snoring, thinking about what this infertility malarkey does to a couple. Your mom and I are best friends, we were friends before we were romantically involved. We’ve always talked about anything and everything…there’s virtually nothing I can’t tell her and that she can’t tell me. We have nothing to hide from each other, and after 11 years of marriage are more comfortable than your favourite pair of takkies (‘trainers’ or ‘sneakers’ for any non-South African’s reading this). I know it’s natural for a relationship to evolve over time, but this IF journey really does put strain on things – it’s like our relationship has undergone more stress/strain/change in the last 10 months than in the previous 10 years. Now this is the place to roll out a suitable analogy like “the strongest steel is forged in the hottest furnace” or something similar, but before you think I’m gonna do that, I want to set your minds at ease – as hard as this journey has been to date, I still worship the ground your mother hovers over, and like I’ve said before – she’s my raisin…so don’t think I’m springing some relationship breakdown on you guys…our relationship’s stronger than the strongest steel…we scoff at steel, titanium ha, nothing compared to the love, adoration and respect we have for each other.

I did notice a strange phenomenon the other night. We have DSTV (satellite television service – again for the foreigners amongst you) and we have the PVR decoder which means we can record up to 80 hours of television to watch when we choose. Now neither of us are big TV watchers, so we’re set up to record the few shows we do watch and then watch them at our leisure. A few months ago now, we recorded a few episodes of “A Child Against All Odds”, a six-part BBC series on different aspects of infertility and IVF. We only watched one episode of it, the one called “Make me a Dad” about the stories of a couple of guys with fertility issues. Something in the episode bothered me quiet deeply and I blogged about it a day or so later. So we’ve never watched the rest of the episodes…But the funny thing is, we have a regular clean out of the memory on the DSTV decoder, getting rid of things we decide we’re actually never gonna watch and this generally involves one of us scrolling down the list picking things we think we should delete and seeing if the other one agrees…but these other episodes are still on there…and whenever we’re scrolling through the list, they just get ignored, like they’re not really there, actually more like they’re written in infra-red – they’re there but we just can’t see them, like neither of us wants to delete them, but neither do we want to watch them…strange. Anyway, not entirely sure why I mentioned that…just something I noticed that seems to be an indicator of one of the tiny little ways this IF journey has affected us.

Another thing that’s been sort of percolating in the back of my mind for a while has to do with the bill for my SA’s. Now if they told you that a semen analysis is R350, that would be ok…just pay it and move on. But when paying for my last SA, I noticed the invoice was laid out like this:

  • Semen Analysis: Cell Count                    = R100
  • Semen Analysis: Sitology/Morphology     = R100
  • Semen Analysis: Viability & Motility         = R100
  • Mixed Antiglobulin Reaction                   = R50

Now I’m not sure about the last one on the list (and can’t be bothered to research it at the moment), so we’ll ignore that one… But surely, when the result comes back as ‘Absolutely Zero Sperm’, they’ve figured that out in the first test!! Some poor lab rat has been wading knee-deep through my ejaculate looking for a sperm cell…somewhere, just one will do, looking here there and everywhere…no corner of the petri dish left unturned (and I know they’re round – it’s a figure of speech)…but not a single bloody sperm cell. So what happens now…what the invoice is telling me is that said lab rat looks up from his microscope, swivels his head to click his stiff neck, puts his hands on his hips and says ‘Nope, absolutely definitely nothing there for the count…but lets now test the morphology and motility of these non-existent sperm cells’…does that make sense to you guys? I’m pretty sure he doesn’t tilt the petri dish to see how many of my zero sperm are swimming in the right direction, I’m sure he’s not comparing the shape and size of these invisible spermies to the mugshots of good-looking perfectly formed sperm cells…so why the hell are they charging me as if he did??? Surely when they break the news to you that the sole purpose that people exists (that’s to procreate) just doesn’t apply in your case, they could temper the bad news just a little by saying something like “But hey, at least you get a R200 refund on your SA costs”….no, they just keep the damn money – probably going into their Christmas drinks fund!! All I’m saying is that they better raise a toast to all the sad broken deformed useless guys who’ve made the Christmas party so special this year by donating R200 a pop to the fund!! Or spend the R200 on some porn for the Andrology Room…would a cheap TV and DVD player be too much to ask? I’m sure they could get Adult World to sponsor some DVD’s! Hell, charge me R200 less and I’ll go out and buy the DVD’s myself…come on people!!

While I’m talking about the Andrology Room, why can’t they spend just a tiny portion of those many R200’s they’ve been pocketing (not to mention whatever they’re making on the countless other treatments) for something really useful…a TV and DVD player would be great, but I understand if that would offend some peoples sensibilities. What we really need in there is some fancy magazine holder that can turn the pages for you…I’ve only got two hands…in one hand is the little sterile sample container, in the other hand is….well…..you know……urm….how can I put this….you know….my joystick…. How the hell am I supposed to be able to flip through the magazine at the same time???? Take off my shoes and socks and use my toes?? For inspiration and assistance they kindly provide a couple of 20-year-old FHM magazines…be better off kindly providing a couple of 20 year olds!! One could hold the magazine while the other one flips the pages…or, one could hold the sterile container…or I could hold the magazine while they………………………….

Anyway, crashing on!

So, those are just a couple of the things I’ve been thinking about recently…not particularly interesting or earth shattering, but welcome to my life…

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~ by HopelesslyTTC on 01/12/2009.

One Response to “A life too ordinary…”

  1. ICLW

    I just have to say that this is the funniest thing I’ve read in a while…. if my husband read blogs, he’d love this one… you’re right – why on earth would they charge for testing on no sperm?

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