Yaba daba doo

Hey you two…what’s new and exciting?

Well, for me, it’s the fact that we’ve finally sorted out my workshop – it’s organised and getting more and more kitted as every day goes by. I recently decided to turn my hand to something I’ve thought about trying for a long time – wood carving. Now this probably doesn’t sound exciting to the vast majority of you, but I’ve always enjoyed working with wood – something I inherited from granddad – when I was a kid, he was always cutting and sanding, chiseling and glueing, making shelves or cupboards or whatever else we needed. He even went through a stage where he was refurbishing antiques for a friend who owned an antique shop in Stellenbosch. So I grew up with the sound of the whining power saw blades, the smell of freshly cut timber and wood varnish, the funny smooth feel your hands get when covered in very fine sawdust…and I loved it. As you know, I’m a gadget geek in the worst possible way, and there’s nothing more exciting than a workshop full of hand and power tools!!

So, I’ve been spending lots of time in my workshop over the last few weeks – retreating into my man-cave.

Here are the latest results of this time spent whittling away the hours…nothing awesome, but stuff I’ve enjoyed working on and am reasonably happy with the results. The first one is a flower picture frame while the second one is a more traditional carving of an old man.

As much as I’m enjoying the carving and drilling, sanding and varnishing, the thing I enjoy most is the wood – I just love the wood! I popped into Rarewoods (a fine timber merchant in Cape Town who have been around for decades) a while ago and drooled over the selection of beautiful woods they have. Unfortunately, it’s pretty expensive, but we did find a big cabinet full of sample pieces of wood that they were selling. These were all roughly the same size, labelled with the type of wood and selling for only R5 a piece. So, as at the time I wasn’t that sure what I wanted to carve, I bought a selection of 5 different wood samples. The carved face is in one of these samples – a lovely small piece of Pink Beech – beautiful grain and colouring and a great selection to begin carving with.

Granddad also told me of a place next door to Rarewoods. This other places sells loads of off-cuts and other odd bits of wood. I spent an hour or so digging through the bins and racks and came away with a lovely piece of some Madagascan hardwood. It was pretty expensive, but it was a big thick piece and the grain was stunning. I used about a fifth of the piece to make the Flower picture frame shown above. This was an idea I had a while ago, and I’m pretty chuffed with the end result…just need to get a proper photo to put in it rather than the crappy printout from our crappy printer on cheap paper that’s in there at the moment.

So why am I telling you all about this…well, besides just telling you for the sake of sharing, it’s also become very evident to me that my workshop has become my refuge…the place I can go to, to stop the mad cacophony of thoughts whirling through my mind every waking hour…it’s a place of solitude and escape, a place to lose myself in the simple and calming monotony of working with my hands, slowly creating something out of nothing, letting the mind focus on nothing other than making each cut correctly, sanding just so, sawing as straight as possible, varnishing without streaking…in other words, focussing on something other than Infertility.

I’ve been spending a lot of time in that workshop recently…retreating – you see, we’re off to see our new FS tomorrow afternoon. I had another set of blood tests on Friday and provided another ejaculate sample for analysis (seems silly to call it a ‘semen sample’ until there’s actually some semen in it!). We haven’t got those results yet – we’ll probably get them tomorrow at the appointment.

It feels like another big intersection in this journey…I’m preparing myself for the worst, while desperately trying to smother any thoughts of ‘what-ifs’ or any stray glimmers of hope that may peek out from under the shroud of sadness and despair I seem to be under. The longer this journey goes, the more desperate I am for you guys to be my biological children. Before I even went to see the GP at the very beginning of the year, I said to your mom that maybe we should just skip all the tests and drama and go straight to a sperm donor…and I wasn’t joking – at the time, it seemed like a very logical thing to do and I was fine with doing that – saving myself from the ordeal of the tests and examinations I knew would be coming my way if I even started down that path. I was fully prepared to go straight down that route…But the further along we get down this road now that we elected to investigate the possibilities of me producing sperm, the more intense is my yearning to have my own genetic children. I don’t know why, but that’s just how it is.

It’s not been a good week really. I had a couple of SNAIF’s leading up to Friday’s tests and have been a useless mope since then. We went to a friend of the family’s 30th birthday party on Saturday night – someone I’ve known all her life, but not really a friend – in fact, your mom and I actually more friendly with her parents. And there we were at the party, all dressed up – me in my tux and your mom looking fantastic in her black evening dress, and the highlight of the evening was a quick cuddle with my niece…(and at least she threw up on your mom and not me). The birthday girl’s daughter also put in an appearance – just 8 weeks old (or something like that) and as all the friends and family crowded round to ogle her, I sat in the corner staring at it all, fighting down the great big sobs that wanted to spew out of me – I felt totally pathetic. I felt like getting hopelessly drunk and making a great big scene – yelling at everyone telling them that life’s not fair, that how come they get to have their own children and I can’t…this journey is turning a fairly with it, together person into a raving bipolar lunatic!!

Your poor mom has been so busy at work and when she comes home, she has to deal with a sulky petulant miserable git…not sure what she did in a previous life to deserve this, but it must have been WAY BAD!! I’m sorry my angel, I’d say I promise to improve my mood, but not sure whether that’s going to be possible after tomorrow’s appointment…may have to give it a few more days.

So tonight, I feel like nothing more than getting into my scruffs, shutting myself in the workshop and losing myself in the joy of making sawdust. A few posts ago, I mentioned the ‘Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars’ philosophy and the theory that when guys are faced with a problem, they want to retreat into their man-cave and think things through…well, I reckon it’s pretty accurate in my case and that my workshop should have stalactites, bats and a soundtrack of those eerie little plink’s and plop’s of dripping water…and like a modern-day Fred Flintstone, I think I want to retreat into my man-cave and try and deal with these crazy emotions and shitty moods…so until next time…Yaba daba doo!!

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~ by HopelesslyTTC on 30/11/2009.

3 Responses to “Yaba daba doo”

  1. […] cave’ also known as his workshop and some beautiful work has come out of it (Take a look here). But I think he has been suffering while I took the opportunity to simply bury my head in the […]

  2. Hey Hopeless… good luck for tomorrow.
    I just wanted to say…you are very talented. I love the “Wood Art”. I can picture the “Old man” hanging above my fire place…looks almost mystique

  3. Oh my goodness – you are so very talented!!
    Wishing you and your DW the best of luck for this arvie!!!!

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