Just say “No”…to vitamins and other stuff

Your mother’s a nag!

Okay, if I’m totally honest, she really isn’t one of those women who will carry on and on nagging about something – she’ll mention it a few times, explain why she feels the way she does, mention it once or twice more and then drop it. Which is great…except when she decides there’s something she really wants to nag me about…

The latest thing is taking Vitamins. She’s been nagging me for a while now to take supplements. It’s not so much real nagging as asking me whenever we’re sitting putting the shopping list together whether or not she should add ‘Vitamins’ to the list. I say ‘No’, she gives me “the look”, takes a breath and moves on. So, by rights, I should feel pretty fortunate – she’s not a natural nag-bag…but she’s working at it.

Jed, as a guy, you need to learn how to manage the women in your life. Again, I’m not being sexist, but as a guy, this is the most fundamental thing to master if you want to have as stress-free a life as possible. I’ll let you into a secret on how I deal with your mom…Don’t sweat the little things. In other words, I let her make all the decisions she wants. There are a number of reasons why this approach works. Firstly, she’s a strong dominant women, and it makes life easier for her to get her way when I really don’t feel that strongly about things. Why get involved in deciding whether we should be eating white rice or brown rice??? It doesn’t really matter so why worry about it – I guarantee you she’s doing enough worrying for both of us. The second reason for this approach is the more important one though – when I do put my foot down, she knows it’s something I do feel strongly about and so she listens to my argument/view/explanation with that much more attention. This has worked well for us. It means your mom can get her way 99.9% of the time and that keeps her happy. And when she’s happy, I’m happy. But, when it’s something important, or something I feel strongly about…things tend to go my way.

Now I’m not saying that we don’t make decisions together…we love nothing more than running a bath, your mom climbing in amongst the cascade of bubbles, me sitting on the floor or on the bed, and talking about things till the waters gotten cold a few times (she tops the bath up periodically and I can tell how difficult a decision was by how many times she’s had to run the hot water). All our biggest decisions seem to have been made on a Sunday afternoon/evening in the bathroom! And this has worked well for us.

When your mom first told me at the beginning of the year that she wanted a baby, I resisted. I’d spent 18 years ‘knowing’ I couldn’t have children, we’d spent the last 10½ years of marriage knowing we couldn’t have children…so why discuss it. Then, over the next week or so, I realised how deeply your mom was hurting, how sad she was feeling and how this couldn’t be left to just go away – it wasn’t going to go away of it’s own accord. So I agreed to go see our doctor, tell him about my diagnosis of Secondary Hypogonadism and see what he recommended treatment wise.

There’s a phrase that you may or may not have heard of… “the thin end of the wedge”. The neatest description/explanation of this phrase that I’ve found is this: “The thin end of the wedge is something small and seemingly unimportant that will lead to something much bigger and more serious”

Going to the doctor in January was “the thin end of the wedge” for me. I knew it at the time, so although it seemed like a small step to take to make my wife happy, I knew that it was opening Pandora’s box.

This is another interesting phrase: “Pandora’s box”. According to mythology, Zeus gave this box to Pandora, the first woman, with strict instructions that she not open it. Pandora’s curiosity soon got the better of her, and she opened the box. All the evils and miseries of the world flew out to afflict mankind and could never be returned to the box. I’m not saying that your mom wanting children was an evil thing, but that once we took the tiniest step in that particular direction, there would be no turning back.

So going to the doctor that January morning was both the thin end of the wedge and opening Pandora’s box…not just a simple doctor’s visit at all!

From the time of that first doctor’s appointment the wedge has been getting bigger and bigger: from having my nuts fondled by guys in white coats to blood tests to injections to more blood tests to more injections, from being asked when my SA sample was produced by the Ampath receptionist to being handed a little container by Miss Gorgeous Lab Technician and being shown to the ‘big boys’ room…the wedge just keeps growing.

And so I come back to the Vitamins…as a man, you have to draw the line somewhere otherwise you’ll be crushed by that ever-growing wedge…if I agree to take vitamins, your mom will be happy for a week, then she’ll start rolling her eyes every time I take the diet coke out the fridge. Soon she’ll be offering to pour me some “lovely refreshing cold water” instead, then saying we should skip diet coke from the shopping list this week as I’ve been enjoying my cold water so much. Then we’ll be in a restaurant and when I order diet coke, she’ll arch her eyebrow and decide that I will actually be having a spring water with a dash of lemon – totally emasculating me in front of the 17 year old doe-eyed waitress. And once she’s totally removed diet coke from my life, she’ll ask me if I want to go for a walk in the evenings, which will lead onto discussions about joining the gym. Then it’ll be weight-watchers and salad for dinner. Shortly after that, it’ll be yoga or Pilate’s or acupuncture or meditation…then I’ll have to rearrange the home-office so the wireless router isn’t sending out those electromagnetic waves  so close to my testicles and then we’ll be giving away the microwave, moving to the country-side to escape the smog, no more braai’ing or eating any processed foods or using anything touched by others in case they’re carcinogenic/swineflu carriers/filled with E numbers, living in a cave wearing animal skins we’ve cured ourselves eating chickpeas and fennel…………

So you see, I have to put my foot down somewhere, gotta draw that line, gotta take a stand…stand up as a man and not back down no matter the pressure.

And this is it….Vitamins….NO!

sigh ……………. well ……… alright …… okay … but only if you really really really insist and it’ll make you deliriously happy…

but no matter what you say or do…


~ by HopelesslyTTC on 03/09/2009.

2 Responses to “Just say “No”…to vitamins and other stuff”

  1. lol my husband has secondary hypogonadism so of course I was googling. . . the worst thing ever. And I found this. It made me laugh SO hard. You sound just like him to a T! Poor men that put up with a crazy women.

    • Too true…crazy women is spot on (and that’s before the effects of additional hormone’s from IF treatments!!)…lol. Seriously, give me a shout if you want to chat, and if appropriate, I can really recommend contacting the Pituitary Foundation in the UK for any help or advise – they were fantastic. Their details are on my blog somewhere.
      Thanks for reading, and even bigger thanks for commenting and take care of each other.

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