Hunting for Zorro

Hi guys. Well, we seem to have come to terms with using a sperm donor very quickly – I suppose I’ve had 18 years to come to terms with the idea sub-consciously (and I’d told your mom about my fertility issues before we even started going out – you see we were very good friends before she came round to the idea that she fancied the pants off me). We even spent a bit of time on the internet yesterday looking at an american donor bank and looking through the profiles of the donors they have (your mom got fed up with me because I wanted to start a spreadsheet which is my normal response to this kind of situation)…just not happy with the thought if you having american accents!! Oh, and by the way son, I was rooting for the guy with the cleft chin and the rugby players physique – very manly and rugged, which could come in handy when you reach 18, but your mom was keen on the piano player…go figure – she spent 8 months learning to play the guitar, and still never managed to get through the whole of ‘Me and Bobby McGee’…besides which – hasn’t she heard of the iPod…really women!!!

I just hope you guys have as little trouble coming to terms with the thought that, genetically, someone else was involved in bringing you into this world (actually, if you stop and think about it…with all the doctors, nurses and the fertility specialists already involved, Zorro and DHL are just the icing on the cake of the people involved – and that’s just with your conception!!).

There are a million things I look forward to showing/sharing/teaching you guys. I want to instill the wonder of nature that I have (and that your mom has developed now that I’ve chased all the ‘city-girl’ attitudes out of her over the last 15 years). We love nothing better than pitching our tent somewhere remote and exploring in the 4×4 (we’re not great walkers or hikers). We both enjoy reading, the sea, scuba diving and photography. This last one is a huge passion of mine and brings me on to my next subject..

One of the most important things that I hope to teach you is that everything in this world depends on your point of view. Not just with the camera in your hand…Everything people see/do/say/feel/think is affected by their personal views, their religion, their morals, their history – what they’ve experienced to date, their situation – what they’re going through now, their hopes and dreams…and none of these things are genetic. I believe in Nurture – that people are largely a result of their experiences not their genetics. Don’t get me wrong, genetics is important – but it’s not as important as how you are brought up…and that’s what lets me deal with the thought of using another man’s sperm to create you guys…that sperm affects whether you have brown hair or a mole on your cheek, whether you’re short (like everyone on your mom’s side of the family – they’re actually descended from hobbits you know) or tall like me. Those things affect your life, sure, but not as much as whether you have a sense of humour, an inquisitive mind, the ability to be kind, thoughtful and considerate of others, the will and drive to succeed, a sense of wonder and of fun..the list is endless. These are the things that will determine the path of your life, not whether your hair is prone to curling in humid conditions. And although I can’t provide you with half of your genetic material, I can do my very best to make sure you’re the kind of people that other people want to be around, the kind of people that help others, that know how to laugh and know how to cry, how to be a happy and content without losing your drive to experience new things or see new places, meet new people and see things from their point of view.

I’m sure you will wonder about Zorro – who was he, what is he doing now, is he rich (stop dreaming of being related to royalty – I’m sure they probably didn’t allow Prince William to donate sperm in Cape Town), is he alive…that’s completely natural and if you want to have that conversation, I’ll happily play along suggesting things like he’s currently summitting Everest, or hand rearing great white sharks in Australia, or saving California from the greedy land barons (hang on…isn’t that what Zorro was supposed to do?)…I’m fine with that, because, it’s nothing you need to hide, this wondering about your genetic father…because I won’t automatically assume that you’re wishing you could trade me in for him (well, hopefully not)…it’s 100% natural to wonder these things.

And I can tell you one thing we definitely do know about him – he was kind enough to provide his sperm so that couples like your mom and I could have you in our lives…and that’s pretty damn cool!

So here’s to Zorro…our hero (when we find him)

(and PS my gorgeous daughter, I was rooting for a donor with blond hair and blue eyes for your sake…but you know by now that your mom wears the pants in this household…I hope you like the piano)

~ by HopelesslyTTC on 23/08/2009.

2 Responses to “Hunting for Zorro”

  1. Hallo Hopelessly TCC
    I am women 35yrs old. That felt like a AA confession I have seen on tv.
    I have been married nearly 13 years. No biological child. BUT I have a beuatiful baby girl nearly 2 years old now. We tried for 4 years before we did the sperm count.
    My hubby has a nearly non exsisting sperm count. I cannot sympathise on the fertility treatment process. I did go to wonderful Dr heylen but we decided on another route in the end. ADOPTION. what a blessing what a wonderfull oppertunity wow wow wow is all I can say.
    I know it is not for everyone but I am just throuhing the stone in the bush.
    (we have a blond baby girl and the whole process from registration to getting her is you wont believe itfor us – 9 months) We did it through BADISA Boston Huis Magdelena.
    All the best to you and your wife and may you be succesfull again and again no matter what you choose cause if you are like me you want a big family.
    You are welcome to contact me just for a blab.
    All the best

  2. Hi Aneda, thanks for your comments. The wife and I have discussed adoption at length – the first few years of our marriage, whenever we spoke about kids, we said we’d adopt – there are all these kids out there needing a loving home, why not give them one, in fact, its selfish not to. The problem is, is that the feelings have changed a bit with the reality of the situation (I honestly think no-one knows what they really think until they’re in the situation right then a there). It’s not that we don’t think adoption is a fantastic option, it is and its a wonderful thing to do, but at the moment, the focus is on the whole miracle of conception, the pregnancy and the giving birth. You see, with the wife’s best friend and my sister announcing their pregnancies within a few weeks of each other, DW (dear wife) suddenly (and quite out of the blue or so it seemed from my side, but that might not be the case) had this overwhelming need to feel a baby growing inside her. And I can understand that…it must be one of the most amazing experiences a woman can have, and I don’t want to be the reason that she misses out on it.
    So, for the moment, we will continue down the route of trying to get her pregnant, but adoption is always in the back of our minds.
    Cheers, all the best and give your little bundle of joy a huge hug for all of us out there who haven’t got one of our own to hug.

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