What started me typing…

Well, I thought by way of introduction, I would post my introduction post that I placed on the Fertilicare Infertility discussion forum a few days ago. This forum is what’s got me tapping the keyboards…

Being a typical bloke, I haven’t really gotten used to talking about what I’m going through, my feelings, my thoughts (when I have any) etc etc.

So, here’s the post I put on the site to introduce myself…and I’ll explain more later…

Hi All,
Well, I joined the forum this morning after my dear wife suggested I have a look, and spent ALL day reading the posts – thank goodness I work from home or I’d be signing up for UIF tomorrow!

But the upshot is that it’s got my heading spinning so much that I can’t sleep…another nights sleep ruined thanks to infertility (hmmm another acronym maybe – SNAIF = sleepless nights attributed to infertility).

On other forums I’ve been on (none of which were IF based), it was common practise for newbies to introduce themselves…there doesn’t seem to be an awful lot of that on here, but I have seen a few threads and the guys hardly seem to be chewing up the bandwidth…so thought I’d humour myself and give it a go…so if you’re easily bored (and if you’ve got this far you clearly aren’t), now’s the time to move on to the next thread…

In a nutshell, I’m 35 and have a pituitary gland as useful as a waterproof teabag. Yup, I have the Paris Hilton of pituitaries – never done an honest days work in its life! This resulted in me being a late developer…the result is my testes never fully developed, with obvious issues for fertility (never mind swimmers – my guys are still looking for their trunks, goggles and Bentley belts!). I eventually approached my GP aged 17, who told me point blank then and there that I would never have kids.
So, many many tests and specialists later, they diagnosed me with Secondary Hypogonadism and I was put on testosterone injections (not for fertility reasons, but rather to ensure correct development of lungs, etc and to prevent other issues around low/no testosterone – bone density/osteoporosis, etc.)

I’ve been on and off the testosterone for over 15 years – depending on where in the world I was, mood, and my situation.

We’ve been married for 11 years and I thought that children was a closed door issue until January this year when my sister and my DW’s best friend announced they were pregnant within a few weeks of each other…needless to say the deafening sound of a certain female biological clock tick ticking was suddenly heard…

So, it was back on the injections, did an SA a month or two ago, which showed zero swimmers (still looking for their Polly otter swimsuits), and it was referral to FS clinic time. 1 appointment to date where the options appear to be that I either go on injections of gonadotropins (menopur) 5 days a week for at least a year, possibly as much as two years before sperm production MIGHT begin or we go down the sperm donor route.

Decided to do a second SA at the FS clinic before deciding on our POA…so currently looking forward to that whole experience later this week (you won’t believe how big an ask three days of abstinence is when you’re on testosterone injections!!!).

So that’s my (our) story so far – I don’t think anyone’s clamouring to make a mini-series out of it!

The thing that absolutely amazes me is that to date, in the 18 years since I went to my GP, I’ve only told 3 people this much before (excluding doctors/specialists/etc), who are my gorgeous long-suffering DW and my folks, although I have told some of this to my best friend and a previous girlfriend…seems strange to want to tell this to 200 people I’ve never met…maybe, being a bloke, it’s easier discussing your deficiencies in the trouser department when you don’t have to make eye contact, or maybe its because I know all of you are going through your own versions of this hell – but whatever it is, it feels great to talk about it and hopefully some other guys will give it a go…what have you got to loose (other than the sleep that you’re already losing to SNAIF’s).

If you haven’t gathered by now…my defence mechanism / the way I cope with things is to try and find the humour in things – I believe that laughter is better for you than leafy green vegetables (if only I could convince the DW of that!). Besides which, being a fat bloke – you’re expected to be jolly…and can’t disappoint anyone’s stereotypes! So, I will apologise right here and right now if you ever think I’m making fun, or trivialising things – I don’t want to offend anyone, but it’s how my mind works…rather tears of laughter than tears of misery – and that’s what we’re all trying to hold back…

Cheers and if you read all the way to here – you need to get a life (or sleeping pills!!).

Well, that’s how it all started (not really the real start, but a start of sorts)…

~ by HopelesslyTTC on 19/08/2009.

One Response to “What started me typing…”

  1. Welcome to blog land! Its the cheapest form of therapy you’ll get on this shitty and sometimes impossible quest for parenthood!

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